Disappointment and discouragement

Today I received a rejection email from one of the grad schools I applied to. It was so very disheartening. I still have one chance. Honestly though I don't think I'll get in there either. I think they most likely get even more applicants. This means I really have to reconsider my life plan.
I could always reapply next year, but I would be turning 28 when I started if I got in next year. Starting a 4-5 year procedure at 28? I don't know. If I did all of that, I would want to work in the field for a few years before taking time off to have kids. Do I really want to do that?
I already feel like I've had my entire life on hold while going to college. The constant stress and worry about how I'll pay my bills, how I'll survive this month, constant exhaustion from school and work. I feel like I've just been working toward this goal of being finished and starting a real life. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have that real life. What if I'm always working towards this "real life" that doesn't even exist?
Honestly I have to say I just feel completely discouraged. I don't really know what to do next.
I will most likely look for a real job following the bachelor degree that I should be receiving this summer. However, in this job market, is there really anything? I just want a solid salaried job, where I know how much I will be making every month, and it's enough. I'm tired of feeling like I am constantly scrambling and on the loosing end. I want to get to the point where we can consider the idea of kids. But how are you supposed to get there with overwhelming educational debt and little to no job prospects?
Maybe tomorrow will look different, but as of today I feel defeated.

Kung Pow Chicken

Today I made kung pow chicken (also known as gong bao ji ding in Chinese I believe) for dinner. Partially because I love to cook, and partially because I was avoiding reading my textbook. haha I thought I'd just share some pictures and the recipe.

So here is my recipe:

Marinade:

1 lb chicken 

2 T cornstarch 

2 T soysauce 

2 T wine (white)

1 eggwhite

Beat cornstarch into liquids, then add egg white, then meat

Marinate meat for 20 min before cooking

Heat oil to smoking

Throw in 15-20 deseeded red peppers (hot peppers)

Add marinated meat

2 ‘’ peeled and grated Ginger

2 – 4 Green onions

And ½ - 1 c almonds

Add sauce:

2 T wine (white)

2 T soy sauce

1 T rice vinegar

2 t sugar

2 t cornstarch

1 T sesame oil (toasted sesame oil)

Here's what your chicken will look like in the marinade:

Make sure you have rice ready! I prefer jasmine rice, and then I boil and cook it like pasta, instead of the cooking technique more common in the US. I tend to feel like the rice has a better texture my way. Otherwise it's often one big sticky glob.

Also make sure you have your ginger ready and on the side:

Have your sauce prepared and ready in a bowl too:

Don't you love my adorable rainbow whisk?

It really is best to cook the meat in a wok, otherwise it has a tendency to be greasy since you don't need nearly as much oil if cooking with a wok:

Serve next to the rice or on top of it, depending on your preference:

See how the rice is light and not all clumped together? 

You may also notice, that my dish does not have the green onions in it. That's because I am pretty allergic to onions and get really sick if I eat anything in that family.

Bravery

Isn't it funny how we can always recognize and admire bravery in others, but so seldom recognize it in ourselves?

Today I finished watching Ugly Betty. She decides to move from New York to London all on her own. She is portrayed as being so brave for moving across the ocean to another continent without knowing anyone, though she has a job there, therefore a secure income and purpose. She is following her dream.

I sat there and thought about how cool she is. I thought about how exciting it would be to start a brand new life. And yes, I thought about how brave she was, and how I could never be that cool. Then I sat there for another few moments and realized that I had done just about that same thing.

When I graduated Gymnasium and got my Abitur in Germany I decided that I wanted to go to University of Oregon and follow in my grandparents' footsteps. I moved to America. Yes I had family here, but it was family I barely knew. I moved in with my grandfather and uncle Dan. I had probably spent a total of maybe 6 weeks of my life in my grandfather's company when visiting. I had spent a bit more time with my uncle, but only in sporadic cross-continental visits. I only ended up staying with them for a few weeks until I moved to Bend to live with my cousin.

Not everything turned out as I had planned. I didn't go to University of Oregon, but I am currently enrolled at Western Oregon University and am scheduled to receive my bachelor in German this June. I didn't "never date ever again" like I swore I would, but I'm quite happy with how that turned out! ;) Not everything goes according to plan, but sometimes that's how it needs to happen.

I always think that at age 26 I should have achieved more. I always bemoan the fact that I'm so old to still be going to school. I see my younger sister already half way through her Master's program and feel so behind. My cousin is going to start trying to get pregnant with her husband this summer, and I realize how far away I am from that. But then it dawns in me:

I lived here in America. I found jobs. I managed to get admitted to college. I got married. I got a dog. I got a house. I keep forgetting how much I have achieved, and when I do remember I tend to belittle it.

I wonder if other people do that to. I wonder if people watch tv and think: "I could never do that!" without realizing they already have.

Comic Con- Wizard World

Yay, we went to the Comic Con in Portland. It was my first con, and great fun. I wish I had had a bit more time, but I was pretty much sick anyway, so maybe it was good we weren't there too long.
It was amazing to see Stan Lee and Bruce Campbell. Bruce was hilarious!
Here are some pictures:

Getting ready to go wearing my Doctor Who shirt. :)

Bad ass Sauron!

There's Stan. My husband actually got some pictures of actual Stan and not just him on the screen, but oh well, I just had my phone.

A whole bunch of R2D2s that actually moved around and beeped at people.

Gandalf

Impala from Supernatural

I asked for a pic with Deadpool, he said only if I shoot him.

He said I took too long, so he took care of it himself.

My adorable husband! We went to have dinner at Red Robin in between.

Hot tubing steak fries!

My delicious meal!

There's Bruce! Soooo funny!!! He staged a movie.

Taco Packets

I've still been struggling a bit with the blues lately. So I did the thing that always makes me feel better: I cooked something new, did a bit of experimenting, and fed people. I cooked for my husband and one of his friends.
This is the recipe I roughly followed:
Chimichangas
However it's not fried. I also modified the recipe and used ground beef I cooked up with Mexican seasoning instead of the shredded chicken the recipe recommends. I cooked up the ground beef with paprika, salt, pepper, chili powder, cumin, and a bit of oregano. Then I mixed in a thing of whipped cream cheese, a bunch of sharp cheddar cheese, a bit of Mexican blend cheese and filled the tortillas. My husband hates beans, so that completed his set. But for his friend and myself I first put down a layer of refried beans, and then the meat and cheese mixture.
I served them with pico de gallo, sour cream, and slices of avocado. I was surprised by how delicious they were. Spraying them with the cooking spray gave them a kind of crunchy shell which I really liked! I may be weird, but some of the cooking sprays really weird me out when they have all those ingredients I can't pronounce. So I bought one that is just olive oil. They were also extremely filling. My husband managed to eat two of the ones without the refried beans. His friend and I both only managed one each of the ones with beans and felt completely stuffed afterwards.
I bought the large winco pack of ground beef, the larger size of cream cheese, one regular sized bag of shredded cheese, and a bit extra cheese, and a small can of refried beans. This made 8 of the baked burritos, or taco packets as I like to call them. 5 with the beans and 3 without.
Here are two pictures of what they look like. These are the ones with beans, the ones without are a bit slimmer.

Emotional Therapy

What do you do to keep yourself sane?

I am always on the search for small little ways to do this. Here's one little one:

Music

Isn't it amazing how the right song can make your heart sing? Or cry. I've always wondered if I was the only one that could be brought to tears by a song. I feel song. And of course I know that I will never be the only one that does something with how many people there are in the world... The thing is though, I've never meet anyone else who feels things this strongly. It feels like everything you are is part of this.
Maybe music is there to help those of us express what we ourselves can't.