Bravery

Isn't it funny how we can always recognize and admire bravery in others, but so seldom recognize it in ourselves?

Today I finished watching Ugly Betty. She decides to move from New York to London all on her own. She is portrayed as being so brave for moving across the ocean to another continent without knowing anyone, though she has a job there, therefore a secure income and purpose. She is following her dream.

I sat there and thought about how cool she is. I thought about how exciting it would be to start a brand new life. And yes, I thought about how brave she was, and how I could never be that cool. Then I sat there for another few moments and realized that I had done just about that same thing.

When I graduated Gymnasium and got my Abitur in Germany I decided that I wanted to go to University of Oregon and follow in my grandparents' footsteps. I moved to America. Yes I had family here, but it was family I barely knew. I moved in with my grandfather and uncle Dan. I had probably spent a total of maybe 6 weeks of my life in my grandfather's company when visiting. I had spent a bit more time with my uncle, but only in sporadic cross-continental visits. I only ended up staying with them for a few weeks until I moved to Bend to live with my cousin.

Not everything turned out as I had planned. I didn't go to University of Oregon, but I am currently enrolled at Western Oregon University and am scheduled to receive my bachelor in German this June. I didn't "never date ever again" like I swore I would, but I'm quite happy with how that turned out! ;) Not everything goes according to plan, but sometimes that's how it needs to happen.

I always think that at age 26 I should have achieved more. I always bemoan the fact that I'm so old to still be going to school. I see my younger sister already half way through her Master's program and feel so behind. My cousin is going to start trying to get pregnant with her husband this summer, and I realize how far away I am from that. But then it dawns in me:

I lived here in America. I found jobs. I managed to get admitted to college. I got married. I got a dog. I got a house. I keep forgetting how much I have achieved, and when I do remember I tend to belittle it.

I wonder if other people do that to. I wonder if people watch tv and think: "I could never do that!" without realizing they already have.