Who am I?

Who am I anyway? Do I know? Do you know? Because I am desperately on the search to find out. So if you do know, please tell me!
There is so much that I am, which can make me not know what it really is that defines me. At the moment it seems like what defines me is exhaustion and anxiety. Working with people who have developmental disabilities is so very rewarding, but also emotionally exhausting. We don't always get back what we put in. However, those of us who do this job with compassion and empathy never stop. I lie in bed, my mind reeling from the day, but still I couldn't give up on my people. I think I do this for them, to help them, but maybe I'm self serving and just want to be able to feel good about myself. Who really knows?
Then there's university. The never ending story may have an ending after all. It looks like I will graduate this summer. But will I be free? Or rather do I want to be free? I've applied to two grad school programs. I am paralyzed by fear! What if I don't get in? What will I do? What if I do get in? What will I do? If I don't get in to either program I will have to go on the job hunt because I don't think I can make what I do a career. If I do get in I will have to leave my husband and my dog. I will have to move to a new place on my own. Again. I am petrified. Even I know it's ridiculous. Does that stop me though? Haha, you're funny!
There is nothing for it, but to play the waiting game and see what comes of it. Now if only I could figure out how to make that easier.

In my quest to find out who I am, maybe I should just see what it is I already know.
I am female.
I am short.
I am a wife.
I am international.
I am Swiss.
I am American.
I am a bit German, in my heart.
I am a friend.
I am caring.
I am plump.
I am emotional.
I am prone to break downs and crying fits.
I am very empathetic, maybe more than is good for me.
I am a doggy mommy.
I am faithful.
I am true.
I am bitchy.
I am demanding.
I am giving.
I am a wuss.
I am a geek.
I am a student.
I am a teacher in my job.
I am loud.
I am hilarious to myself; not everyone agrees with my assessment.
I am a worry wart.
I am a direct support staff.
I am a technology aficionado.
I am a reader.
I am lazy.
I am different.
I am in bed.

I am over sharing and abusing the internet.  The good thing is no one has to read this. The other good thing is I already feel better.


I AM ME!

I am ok with being me, but I don't know if being me is enough.