Death Cafe

Yesterday I had the privilege to attend and help facilitate a Death Cafe in my hometown of Monmouth, Oregon. My former professor Doctor Baldwin hosted this event and recruited me as a facilitator.
What is a Death Cafe you ask?
This is the definition from their website:

"At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.

Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.

A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counseling session."

How I saw it was, giving people a safe place to talk about death without judgement or agenda.
I had never been to a Death Cafe or even heard about it before Paula mentioned it to me. I was very honored to be asked to assist in the process. I wasn't sure what to expect, so I tried to not imagine things too much, but rather let myself be surprised.
We had a setup where one or two facilitators sat at a table and people could join a table of their choice and converse for the first hour or so. Everyone introduced themselves. I gave prompts for discussion starters, for example I asked the participants to complete the sentence: Death is... I was expecting to have to give more prompts, but the conversation flowed very freely. The large variety of topics we discussed surprised me. We talked about death of loved ones, pets, as well as that of strangers like soldiers or people who died during the Boston bombings.
Some of the people in attendance were very academically inclined and I think may have over thought the process or expected to be given advice or a result. I think that often in an academic setting people do things in order to get a result, start with a hypothesis, do research, try to prove it, and have it evolve into a theory. That's not really what this is about.
To me these discussions very fascinating. I felt like hearing things from other people's perspective was enlightening to say the least! I'm not sure if I had an aha-moment during the event, but later that night when I was lying in bed and not able to sleep, things kept running through my mind. I kept thinking about what others said, and how I felt about death. I realized a pretty big thing last night. I don't actually fear death. I thought about how I would feel if I died tomorrow. Sure, I would have some things I would still like to achieve. I would be sad that I never had the chance to be a mother amongst other experience. The big "BUT" is: I wouldn't have any regrets. If I died tomorrow I would not regret any of my choices. Sure, there are some that were ill advised, but everything I did has brought me here to where I am now. I like where I am. Sure, I'd rather have better financial stability, maybe be a bit skinnier, and have less health concerns. But look at what I have. My husband and my dog are my family, I love my job, I love my home, I love my hobbies, and I love being who I am.
So there it is, my big aha-moment is that I love who I am and don't fear dying because of it.
I hope I get a chance to participate with another Death Cafe someday.

The Carrie Diaries

Ok, so I'll admit it. I have a big soft spot for Sex and the City. It reminds me of my friend Franzi who was here for an exchange year from Germany and my friend Emily who is now living in Austria. Franzi and I would watch SATC and drink wine every Thursday while Charlie plays DnD with his friend. When she moved back home, Emily and I would also watch it every Thursday. She would make a delicious side dish, she makes the most delicious potato dish, and I'd make some form of meat course.
The thing is, to me, Sex and the City is all about friendship, the slightly raunchy stuff is just bonus on the side. Now watching The Carrie Diary is a little bit melancholic for me. I miss my friend Emily a lot. It's strange to be living in a college town after you graduate and all your friends move on and have whole new lives elsewhere.
How do you make friends when you're not in school? It would then usually be work, right? But then my coworkers are all much older than I am. I have felt like this has been a challenge for me. I'm thinking about how to make a change, we'll see.
However we were talking about The Carrie Diaries, right? I love how they portray friendship. No holds barred, always supporting each other, and always there for each other. Of course they have spats, but that's another thing, real friends kinda need them. You have to be able to tell your friends the truth. Sometimes you have to tell your friend her outfit sucks, or that she's being a bitch, or that she needs to put on her big girl panties... I need that. I need someone to tell me that.
We all lead such busy lives that we don't always make time for important things. If you're lucky enough to have special friends in your life don't take them for granted!

Well, now I feel like I've been making a big long whiny post about not having friends. I do have friends, it's just different than having your bestie there for you whenever you need them, etc.
I figure this is what's been on my mind, so I'll write about it, regardless of whether it's interesting to anyone else.

Return to the blogosphere

Recently one of my friends, Lauren, told me I should start blogging again. Hmm, good idea I thought... But what about was my next question. I asked my friends. I asked my husband. I asked my dog. Guess who's suggestions were the most helpful. My dog's! Just kidding, while she is my faithful companion, so's not so good with words. I got lots of different suggestions that all added up to: everything! Cooking, Smashbooking, Sewing, Quilting, Photography, TV shows I like, book reviews, EEEERRRRYTHING!
So here I am, offering eeerrrrything.
My biggest doubts always revolve around who on earth would be interested in what I have to say. Then one of my friends said: who cares? Just write it like it's a diary without an audience. So, jep, that's happening!


Much has changed in my life. Or perhaps it's more that much hasn't happened. I've decided that getting rejected from grad school may just have been a blessing in disguise. Not having to go through multiple additional years of school, not having another set of extensive debts, and not having to put my life on hold for so much longer. I've decided to stay with my company and work towards advancement within the company. We shall see! As of now I'm hoping my schedule will settle and I can start getting a bit more routine in my life. If this day ever comes, I'm hoping to spend time on my hobbies. Therefore have fodder for blog posts.

Now my goal is to do something interesting every day. Whether it makes it on the blog or not is another question. Here comes my life as a wife, DSP, photography enthusiast, smashbooker, quilter, Netflix aficionado, and cook. Who knows what else could be added to the list of things I am/will be.