Today I received a rejection email from one of the grad schools I applied to. It was so very disheartening. I still have one chance. Honestly though I don't think I'll get in there either. I think they most likely get even more applicants. This means I really have to reconsider my life plan.
I could always reapply next year, but I would be turning 28 when I started if I got in next year. Starting a 4-5 year procedure at 28? I don't know. If I did all of that, I would want to work in the field for a few years before taking time off to have kids. Do I really want to do that?
I already feel like I've had my entire life on hold while going to college. The constant stress and worry about how I'll pay my bills, how I'll survive this month, constant exhaustion from school and work. I feel like I've just been working toward this goal of being finished and starting a real life. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have that real life. What if I'm always working towards this "real life" that doesn't even exist?
Honestly I have to say I just feel completely discouraged. I don't really know what to do next.
I will most likely look for a real job following the bachelor degree that I should be receiving this summer. However, in this job market, is there really anything? I just want a solid salaried job, where I know how much I will be making every month, and it's enough. I'm tired of feeling like I am constantly scrambling and on the loosing end. I want to get to the point where we can consider the idea of kids. But how are you supposed to get there with overwhelming educational debt and little to no job prospects?
Maybe tomorrow will look different, but as of today I feel defeated.
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